MassiveRejection.com

“We reject the best”

We are the professionals at criticism and blame.

If you think you’ve experienced sufficient rejection from others—or better still, from yourself—come to our website and see what you’ve been missing! It’s massiverejection!

Face it — You’re Unworthy!

In only a few seconds you will be convinced that your attitude to life sucks completely. Furthermore, you will save countless hours of doubt and worry about your life in the future—by experiencing certain rejection immediately. Then your time is freed up for long periods that would otherwise have been taken up with fretting and rumination.

Any moments of confidence or satisfaction in your daily life can be savoured for the fleeting stimulation they bring. At massiverejection.com, we bring you back down to earth, secure in the knowledge that there’s nothing anybody can do. It all sucks™.

This relief is permanent since you have 24-hour access to our Faultline™ if ever you forget the dire personalised message we deliver.

Insanity: is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Here at massiverejection.com we are confident you will soon have very different results from using our program. Our graduates are certified! Some are certifiable. And loving it…

Our message to you is ultimately a cheerful one. When you hear the worst from us there is nothing left to lose. Relax.

We do it all for you.

Make thousands of dollars a month on the Internet rejecting yourself and as many others as you can handle

They will crawl with convincing humility…

As one of our consultants you will be able to release many from the bondage of keeping up and pretending. Sufferers will be delighted to contract the onerous task of self-criticism out to experts such as you!

Check out any person you like with our Faultfinder™ software. Rest assured that they will have problems—we guarantee it!

Send messages to anyone who has seemed capable to you. We will decode their abusive self-talk and level the playing field for you…

There is a heap of money just waiting for those who can harness the awesome power of massiverejection. Listen to the words of Brian, 86, of Patagonia:

“I wasted years trying to convince myself that I was normal. Thanks to the folks at massiverejection.com I now have many hours free each day for counter-productive discouragement in the service of my fellow man. I have helped so many people free themselves from striving and false acceptance. I do the rejecting for them—all they have to do is follow through. Some of my clients have joined me in business and we are on purpose to our goal of rejecting 1,000 clients a week. There is real money in this. I am planning early retirement as a result of this business. I wish I had heard of massiverejection.com when I was 80”

Other Graduates Of Our Program:

“ I ask every girl I see to have sex with me, and thanks to massiverejection.com I no longer care what anyone thinks. So far I’m up to about 7,000 girls but who’s counting? One day I know a girl will say ‘yes’ to me, and become the woman of my dreams”
- Bruce, 19

“ I know my knight in shining armour is out there somewhere. Thanks to the good folks at massiverejection.com I am content to wait at home and avoid the crush at local wine bars and clubs. It’s pointless worrying about meeting him when I know it’s out of my control. I have many free hours now that I didn’t have before. Patience is a virtue. I owe it all to my new understanding from you folks, after only one call”.
- Prudence, 39 ½

“I can’t remember what I used to get upset about. It’s so warm here in the sun, and I love the movement and life passing on both sides. Could you press the “Walk” button for me? I have to make a call to massiverejection.com”
- John, about 50

“I used to think ‘What’s the point?’ Now I know ‘There is no point!’ What a massive relief. You guys should be knighted!”
- Arthur Weasley (Ex-Harry Potter character)

Some Examples of Untrained “Previous Rejection” / Our New, Improved Massive Rejection

You’ll never amount to anything / Give up now, it’s all downhill until the end

You’re a bad ______ / Don’t change—the good guys need someone to compare themselves with

You can’t do that / Stick to tying your shoelaces…actually, on
reflection, get sandals

Don’t waste your potential / Your lifeboat is leaking

Don’t even try / Your efforts are irrelevant

Note that our service is ultra-fast, and doesn’t waste time on you or your problems once you accept your condition. Our judgment is forever!

Spending too much time on thoughtful investigation and assessment is counter-productive, since in that way you might get the idea that you actually mattered—not true! In fact we save you time after you believe that you will never get the acceptance or competence you desire (after experiencing massiverejection). You can get on with being a drone in the hive of life while leaving the queen bees to their own devices.

We harness this awesome power of rejection to your benefit so as to provide necessary balance to the noxious effect of life coaches and positive thinkers. Should you experience difficulty rejecting yourself at any time, we can also offer a tailor-made rejection in an emergency. There is no extra charge for this feature of our comprehensive approach.

Ring our helpline1-800 I REALLY SUCK
for further discouragement and instant messages while you are on the move

Call now to experience our two rejections for the price of one offer!

A Taste Of What Our Massiverejection Service Has To Offer…

On Making Mistakes…

Mistakes are proof that:

1. You are definitely not perfect
2. You did it again
3. There is no excuse
4. You are a slow learner
5. You are hopeless
6. You are a disappointment to your parents
7. Your life has no meaning

• Your Life…

Mum obviously took the wrong baby home from the hospital

• Your Body…

Take a look at those flaws—enough said. What’s not to reject?

• Your Achievements…

Let’s merely note that Mozart was hitting some very high notes at an age when you were still busy pulling the wings off butterflies

• Your Problems…

You should have handled them better. You shouldn’t have had them in the first place—are we right or are we right?

• What You Deserve…

Our sincere help, but not much else, based on your record.

• Suicide

Massive rejection.com does not endorse suicide as we require a constant flow of clients. It is far preferable to ‘get a life’ rejecting others for their ultimate benefit.

Philosophical Background Of Massiverejection:

“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.”
- Marcus Aurelius

“There are two things that are infinite; Human stupidity and the universe. And I’m not sure about the universe.”
- Albert Einstein

“I spent my money on wine, women and song—and wasted the rest!”
- Anon

At massiverejection.com we say Marcus knows the truth! It’s the other people who cause all the problems in this world! We are not arguing with Einstein—so are you?? And that Anon knows his stuff… talk about a workaholic. The man is a genius.

Over many centuries every major philosopher made his unique discovery after striking himself (or his slave) on the head and uttering the equivalent of: “I am a complete fool and idiot! Why didn’t I see this before?”

This trait was, and is, also observable in great scientists and leaders, and nearly everyone who fell in love during the last 100,000 years.

When you seek the truth of rejection you find it everywhere.

Note:

1. You have had millions of thoughts, most of which have been thought before. This is called “spinning your wheels” by trained intellectuals

2. You have wasted time and frittered away your mental birthright. Go directly to deep depression—do not pass “Go”

Further Note:

1. You can’t take it with you

2. He who dies with the most toys, still dies. However, lets think about this. Since you are going to die anyway, why not have the toys? Too bad you can’t afford them…

The logical conclusion is that you need massiverejection.com to help pass the time unproductively until the end, particularly HAVING FUN, playing games and using recreational drugs like most of mankind.

Our Metaphor: The Tortoise & The Hare

Just imagine the suffering the tortoise would have undergone if he had thought he should have been faster, better—and a winner!

Our Offer To You In Your Hour Of Need…

There are four levels of our Graduate Program

1. Idiot level: You have daily contact with massiverejection.com
2. Loser: You pay vast sums for the secret of life as we know it
3. Lost cause: We are on permanent retainer and ring you hourly
4. Total reject: You tithe 90% of your income to us, and “live” off the residual

Attention Mystics, Poets and Psychotics: ask for our habitual user’s discount

But wait—there’s more!

The Advanced Program

Here at massiverejection.com we are keen to facilitate your ultimate development, beyond spirituality, channelling and DOLPHINS WEARING CRYSTALS. We offer one more level of assistance, which has taken us years to research and bring to reality as a practical program. It consists of the golden principles found in the pieces of advanced knowledge rejected by all the great sages through the ages. What they reject—we want to have! What every great civilisation and culture abandoned (because they could not get it to work) we pick up! It’s the ultimate in recycling! Absolutely NOTHING IS WASTED at massiverejection.com!

While we cannot tell you the exact basis of the Advanced Program accessible only by the purchase of a special password on our website Ultimaterejection.com™ we can let you in on the important part of the secret:

Reject everything!

For a select few who can invest substantially in the development of their own inner freedom we offer a secluded retreat facility, with power breakfast included each morning, for 5 days. We guarantee that if you ever accept anything again after this program, your money will be refunded immediately—no questions asked.

What are you waiting for?

And if you apply today to become a member of massiverejection.com you will have free access to…

THE VAULT.

Why depend on random thoughts or long-ago parental messages to abuse yourself with, when we have selections from the WORLD’S BEST IDIOTS? If one culture won’t do it for you then utilise the material in our archives. We have researched the centuries of refined hurts, the tried and true messages that have screwed up the lives of millions globally, regardless of race or creed. We have studied the losers of the civilised and uncivilised world, and what they have in common. We have kept their BEST AND SECRET STUFF!

There are over a million epithets alone, locked in electronic storage.

We bring real equality to the world of suffering.

Now What?

OK, you’ve stayed with us this far with your residual persistence. You love us, you want us and you need us—fine.

We have something special for those who cannot be bothered to make any more effort.

THE T-SHIRT

This will say it all, really. The program in a nutshell.

Everything you need right in front of you. ONE STOP—NO FUSS.

Please go to our SHOP and select the apparel of your CHOICE. Click here

Your purchase will ensure that you matter to us even if you don’t to others. [1% of all profits will go to the establishment of a foundation to help those that have voted for any political party]

You can return the T-shirt at any time since there are huge numbers of applicants who won’t mind a second-hand item. There are no refunds because we here at massiverejection.com cannot use your personalised T-shirt message again without convincing someone else they are unique. All this takes valuable management time so suck it up!

Here are just some of our best-selling titles:

My name is _________ and I suck.
What’s the point? We’re all going to be worm food anyway…
Even breathing makes my face ache.
Just when you think you’ve hit the bottom of the barrel … the bottom falls out!
Abuse me – I deserve it.

And many more!

Merely wearing this T-shirt is a statement of the highest significance. There is nothing left for you to do or think, after this.

Join our other graduates in enjoying their free time, secure in the knowledge that things cannot get worse…

This website is copyright 2003 - 2007 Dr. David Lake and Steve Wells and may not be reproduced or used except under licence. The cost of this licence is in the high 7 figures, purchasable from the authors.

For more details on us and our work click here

To attend a workshop by Dr. David Lake and Steve Wells click here